


When You Wish Upon His Star

by Taurwen13



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Birthday, Dream Sequence, Drinking to Cope, Feels, M/M, Marauders, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Song: When You Wish Upon a Star (Billy Joel), Tea, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 10:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20795069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taurwen13/pseuds/Taurwen13
Summary: It's July 31st, ten years after Harry Potter's first birthday, and as Remus catches up with Ms. Figg on how Harry is doing, he chances upon a song over the radio that reminds him not only of the Marauders he lost, but the one he will always love.After trying to once again drink those memories away, a certain star catches his eye and pulls him into a dream of how that night should have been, with his friends by his side and in his lover's arms.





	When You Wish Upon His Star

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys - this was my entry into the Hermione's Nook Facebook group's "Love for All fest". We got to choose the characters we wanted to write about as well as a quote to include, and right away I knew I wanted to do Remus and Sirius, and use Billy Joel's version of the song "When You Wish Upon a Star" as my quote - especially when I found out it was released the same year my fic takes place. I highly recommend going to YouTube to listen to it, as it pulls most of my story together. 
> 
> [When You Wish Upon a Star - Billy Joel - Simply Mad About the Mouse (1991)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xbr_cg-6OQk&list=PLS1sY8lHrA9HU6S0U0HQcAUJ3fiVjK2P7&index=2)

It had been almost ten years since he had seen the traitor, but he still hadn’t managed to get him out of his mind. It was always hardest when Remus did something that reminded him of the rest of the Marauders, and nothing did that more than his yearly ritual on July 31st.

Every year (save a few over the full moon – he made sure to go either a couple days before or after on those years) Remus would go to the same little Muggle town and visit an old Squib that bred cats. Her house smelled a bit funny and the radio was always blaring Muggle music at a level the half deaf woman could still hear it, but it was the one place over a cup or two of tea he could catch up on how the young Harry Potter was doing without interfering with Dumbledore’s plans– in exchange for stories of his own wanderings.

“He’s grown into quite a remarkable boy,” Ms. Figg informed Remus, “despite how retched those Muggles he got stuck with are treating him.”

Remus cringed. He knew there was no way he could have cared for Harry with his infliction, but it still made him feel guilty to hear about how one of his best friend’s son had to live.

“The other boy – his cousin – he hasn’t changed, has he?”

“Goodness, no!’ exclaimed Ms. Figg. “He’s still as rotund as ever and doesn’t miss a chance to try and beat up on our Harry. He’s fast though – most days the boy can dodge the big oaf and his gang without much work. Mark my words, he’ll make a wonderful Seeker one day.”

Remus smiled sadly. James would have loved to have seen that. He tried to use that pain to banish his thoughts of _him_ from earlier, but to no avail.

Again, he felt the cold pangs of the past creeping up on him. Lily had said many times how she couldn’t wait to see this day – the day her son received his official acceptance letter to Hogwarts. They had discussed it the last time he visited Godric’s Hollow. Peter had even been there that night – Remus specifically remembered him saying how worried he was that with the war he wouldn’t see that happen.

And it had been that damn dog who had comforted Wormtail that night, too.

“Care for some more tea, Remus?” Ms. Figg offered. “You look upset.”

“Just reminiscing. I would love some more tea, please.”

Leaning back into his chair with his fresh cup, Remus caught a few lines from the song playing over the radio as he tried to relax.

_When a star is born_  
_ They receive a gift or two._  
_ One of them is this -_  
_ They have the power to make a wish come true…_

“Do you know what song this is?” Remus asked, momentarily pulled from his memories by the intriguing lyrics.

“Hmm? Oh, that old thing? It’s from an old Muggle movie. This is a new, jazzier take on it that just came out in the states, so it’s been oddly popular on the radio lately.”

Remus closed his eyes and leaned back to listen more closely; his heart and mind eagerly drinking up as many of the words as fast as could as he drank his tea. Suddenly he was thinking of Him in a flood of emotions, very few bad, and nearly dropped his teacup.

“I’m sorry, don’t know what came over me,” Remus tried to sound convincing, but was certain he was failing, “Thank you for the tea. As always it was a pleasure to see you and I look forward to our chat again next year.”

“Why?” Ms. Fig asked, perplexed. “Won’t you be able to talk to him once he re-enters the wizarding world this September? Maybe fill James’ shoes a bit better than the lot he’s with now? I can’t think of anyone better to do it.”

“Me? No, no I won’t do that to him. He deserves a father figure in his life, yes, but not someone like me. Not something like me…” he finished half under his breath.

Ms. Figg glared at him with a wagging finger. “Young man, that is ridiculous and one day I hope you find some way or someone to see the good in you.”

“We will see,” Remus replied despondently. “Good day, ma’am.”

Remus ducked out the door, narrowly keeping a cat from darting out.

“Good day to you, too, and good luck on your travels, deary!” Ms. Figg called after him as he left.

He paused outside Number 4 Privet Drive to stare a moment, noting that it looked much more vacant today than it had on previous years, before continuing down the street to a safe place he could Apparate. He reappeared a moment later outside of _The Hog’s Head_ in Hogsmeade.

Aberforth raised a mug of beer in greeting. “Hello Remus. Is it July 31st again already? Seems like only a few months since you were in here last.”

Remus slide up to the bar and took the waiting beer from the bar keep, knowing full well the man behind the counter hadn’t forgotten. “It is indeed. Is my tab for the day still good?”

“My brother was in here earlier to make sure that was all set up. Still don’t understand why, but I can at least take care of the how. No limit, no questions, as usual.” He set an assortment of food down in front of Remus, who dug in quickly.

“Thanks, Aberforth,” Remus replied between bites of a scotch egg. He wasn’t very hungry, but if he was going to engage in the ancient art of drinking to forget, he knew he would need more on his stomach that slightly stale chocolate cake. He drank a few mugs of beer a bit faster than he probably should have thanks to the refilling charm on his glass, but he didn’t care right now. Anything to numb his thoughts away from James, Peter, and…

“’ello there, Remus,” boomed a voice well above his head after he had been sitting at the bar for a while. “Dumbledore said yeh might be ‘ere tonight. Thought yeh might like some company now that I finished the job he gave me to do.”

“Thanks, Hagrid,” Remus told the large man entering the pub and moving down the bar a bit to make room for him. He gestured to Aberforth to get him a beer, but Hagrid held up his hand.

“I think you might need summat a bit stronger. I’ll cover it if Dumbledore don’t. Blimey, Remus, you look bad.”

Aberforth set out a large bottle and two cups – a shot glass for Remus and a pint for Hagrid. Remus took a shot of whatever it was before continuing in a slightly slurred voice as a few tears slipped from his eyes.

“It’s been ten years, Hagrid. Ten. I still vividly remember his first birthday. Little Peter gave him a huge bag of candy – the tiny rascal snuck off somewhere with it and came racing back to James with steam coming out of his ears. And Lily, bless her, had made him a birthday cake with an enchanted cat on it that looked so much like his Whiskers that Harry thought she had baked his beloved pet into the damn thing. He only calmed down when the freaking cat came running at the sound of his name and nearly jumped into the cake before James could catch him. Lily had to break out her wand after we had cake just to get Harry clean enough to leave the table without a trail of frosting in his wake, and then he nearly dived into his pile of presents. I gave him a set of charmed animals – a wolf, a deer, a rat, and…and a…a dog – that pranced around and made him giggle. And then…Sirius-”

Remus paused, taking another shot to regain control of his voice before continuing. There was a blend of rage and regret in his voice he could barely contain. Hagrid clapped his hand on Remus’ shoulder – nearly knocking him off the stool but encouraging none-the-less.

“-he had bought Harry his first toy broom. James…James said he was a natural and couldn’t wait to teach him to play Quidditch. I was actually talking to Ms. Figg-”

“The Squib Dumbledore asked ter watch over ‘arry? When did yeh see her?”

“Today. I see her every year on Harry’s birthday to find out how’s he’s doing. She said he’s really fast and quick to dodge so she expects he’ll make a great Seeker. I just wish James could have seen him.”

“It’s not yer fault,” Hagrid tried to reassure him. “James an’ Lily shouldn’t’ah ever trusted Black. There was nothin’ yeh could’ve done.”

Remus didn’t answer right away. He had never been so sure about that. His heart wanted to believe that this was all a bad dream, and that one day he would wake up and everything would be back to the way it should. That…that James and Lily were the ones that were celebrating Harry’s birthday today, with him and Peter and…

Remus was close to breaking. “I think I need some air,” he quickly told Hagrid before ducking wobbly outside.

It was just nighttime now, and maybe it was the alcohol in his system, but it seemed like the clear sky shone more brightly than usual. Especially that one – the brightest star –

_“You see that big one? The brightest light in Canis Major?” _He had asked Remus, James, and Peter their first Astronomy lesson at Hogwarts. _“That’s the dog star – Sirius!”_ he had exclaimed excitedly to them. He then cockily explained that they even named the dog days of summer – July through August – after the fact that it was most visible during that time, just like tonight. _“Though it’s rarely gone from the night sky, so you’ll always be stuck with me...”_

He had sounded smug back then, but now Remus could barely stand to look at the damn thing most nights because of that speech. Tonight, though, tonight he couldn’t pull his eyes away from it, the song from earlier welling up inside him the longer he looked.

_They have the power to make a dream come true…_

'If only that were true…'

_When you wish upon a star_

'I’d wish on his star any night,'

_Makes no difference who you are_

'Maybe even a monster like me -'

_Anything your heart desires will come to you…_

'Could have just another moment with Him.'

Remus sighed. His head was feeling oddly dizzy, and he suspected it wasn’t just from the alcohol. He walked back inside.

“Hagrid, I think I’m going to call it a night. I feel kind of off, and not in the way I’d expect from drinking. Aberforth, as always, thank you.”

The barkeeper nodded in reply while Hagrid stood up to hug him.

“Hope talkin’ about it helped yeh a bit. Yeh keep too much inside – more than what’s good fer yeh to do. Dumbledore an’ I are just a owl away, yeh hear?”

Hagrid released his grip on him, and once Remus got his breath back plastered the best smile he could on his face.

He managed to get a decently composed “’Night, all,” out before heading back out into the night air.

There it was still, the dog star, drawing his gaze as easily as a fish drawn to water.

_Fate is kind_

_She brings to those who love_

_The sweet fulfillment of their secret longing…_

Remus closed his eyes and muttered. “What I wouldn’t give for one more carefree time with Him…”

Sighing, he opened his eyes, and could have sworn the dog star twinkled at him. Remus shook his head slightly, attributing this whole nonsense to his inebriated state.

Still…

One could wish…

Remus turned on the spot and reappeared in his small London apartment. After rummaging through his potion supply he found the hangover cure he had acquired in anticipation of this night and placing it on his bedside table, he crawled onto his bed to try to sleep.

Sleep did not come easily though. Remus tossed and turned, trying to avoid the starlight streaming across his face from the bedroom window. He finally gave up and stared out the window at the stars.

Suddenly, a flash of light followed by darkness engulfed him, and he was only aware of the faint voice of someone singing a tune that seemed to pull him into a dream.

_….._

_Like a bolt out of the blue_

_Fate steps in and sees you through_

…..

Remus was vaguely aware of someone’s arm around his shoulder.

“Hey Moony – wake up! You’re about to miss the cake!” rang the voice of a man he hadn’t heard in years.

Remus opened his eyes with a startle.

“That’s better,” finished James, a huge smile on his face.

“Awe, why did you do that? I was hoping I’d be able to steal his slice,” whined Sirius. Remus realized with a start that he had apparently fallen asleep on his shoulder.

“This is a dream,” Remus said under his breath.

“Then is it a good dream,” replied Sirius, kissing him lightly on his forehead before squeezing the arm he had around Remus’ shoulders slightly. “You looked troubled while you slept. Anything wrong?”

“I…I’m not sure.” Remus blinked.

_When you wish upon a star_

_Your dreams come true…_

A sudden chill down his spine told Lupin this wasn’t a dream – not a normal one at least. Something magical was happening, a different magic unlike any he had ever encountered. Remus was having a hard time focusing on that thought though. It was getting fuzzier at the same rate his senses were focusing on the scene around him – the laughter of Lily far in the kitchen who was probably right now fussing with whatever dish was making that delectable smell, the sounds of Peter trying his best to play with a much older looking Whiskers than Remus remembered, James teasing him over his usual lack of luck with cats, and Sirius humming a song that Remus was certain he should know right now but was fading from his grasp the more he tried to focus on it. Soon it was completely lost to him, and with a happy sigh he let himself fall deeper into Sirius’ embrace.

He heard James holler for someone upstairs, but didn’t catch for whom as at the Whiskers, finally fed up with Peter’s attempts at winning him over, had done his best to jump onto the couch where Remus and Sirius were sitting only to miss and fall claws out on their laps. Lily ran in – Remus was slightly puzzled at the fact she didn’t look quite how he was expecting – and after shooing the cat off their laps promptly healed their legs.

“Thanks, Lily,” Sirius told her when she finished. “Bleeding out all over your couch was not in my plans tonight.”

Lily rolled her eyes and grinned before heading back into the kitchen. Remus found himself laughing, something that oddly felt weird – like he hadn’t done it in years – which with Sirius by his side he found quite absurd.

“It wasn’t that funny, Moons,” Sirius insisted, nuzzling slightly into Remus’ ear as he talked. “You know I can make better jokes than that.”

“Harry!” called James, pulling Remus’ focus away from Sirius. “Come on down already”

“Coming,” answered a voice Remus did not recognize. A thunder of footsteps coming down the stairs revealed a lanky, black headed boy that looked exactly how he remembered James looking when he first met him all those years ago on the Hogwarts Express. Except the eyes – they were the exact size and shape of Lily’s.

Remus stared with his mouth agape. Sirius pulled his arm from around his shoulders to stand up, leaving a cold, empty feeling that unsettled Remus to his core more than a dementor’s presence.

“Look at you, Harry!” he declared, holding the boy at arm’s length to inspect him. “The spitting image of your father – save the welcomed upgrade to the eyes,”

James glared at Sirius as Lily walked in to look at Harry.

“See, what did I tell you? Horrible looking eyes. Lily’s are much prettier.”

“Get your own wife!” James teased, pushing Sirius away from Harry so he and Lily could look at him.

“Why? I have Moony.” Siruis pulled Remus to his feet and turning his back to the rest of the room made a point to over-exaggerate trying to sloppily kiss him before placing a quick, but deep, kiss on his lips that chased away the cold, empty feeling that had enveloped him earlier. Sirius moved to the side, revealing the looks of the rest of the room – ranging everywhere from excessive gagging, mainly from Harry, to small chuckles from Lily. Sirius laughed at the sight while Remus blushed a little. It felt like it had been so long since his last kiss like that – but he couldn’t figure out why. Hadn’t Sirius rarely went a whole day without finding some kind of excuse to pop in through the floo to at least give him a peck on the cheek? It had been like that ever since the day Voldermorte had been defeated, hadn’t it?

A random burst of unsettling memories tried to break through his consciousness at the thought of that monster’s downfall, but nothing that stayed long enough to fully register. The thoughts faded into a few bars of a jazzy trumpet solo, playing the same tune Sirius had been humming earlier, that forced his focus to move back into the Potter’s living room.

Peter piped up from his place on the floor. “Moony, are you alright? You look like you saw a ghost.”

“My kiss wasn’t that bad, was it?” asked Sirius. He was joking, but Remus could see the concern just visible on his face.

“Maybe he just needs some chocolate,” Lily suggested, walking in with a birthday cake. “Now that Harry is here, we can all get some.”

After a short round of mostly poor singing, with Sirius belting out the birthday tune exceptionally off key, Lily quickly cut Harry a large slice and set it in front of him before slicing the rest of the cake.

“Thanks, Mum,” Harry mumbled in between bites of cake as he had inhaled most of it. “You really make the best sweets!”

Lily blushed and hugged Harry from behind. “Then I’ll keep making them as long as you keep eating them.”

“Hey, there are others of us that would like to try some, too, you know,” James reminded her, handing out the slices of cake in her absence, “as well as eat whatever you make while Harry’s at school this fall.”

“Who says I won’t just send it via owl post every day?” Lily pointed out mischievously. James looked shocked, Peter looked sad, Sirius looked like he was about to laugh, and Remus was simply smiling, trying to take all their reactions in at once.

“You really do love your boy, don’t you?” Peter commented, accepting the piece of cake that James handed him.

“I would die to protect my little Harry,” Lily declared in a slightly sing-song voice.

“Mum, I’m not so little anymore,” pointed out Harry, gently shoving her off his shoulders.

Remus felt a momentary pain in his heart that passed as Sirius’ fingers grazed his as he handed him one of the slices of cake he was holding.

“Eat. It will make you feel better,” Sirius insisted while Lily glared at him for stealing her usual line, “and if it doesn’t, I’m taking you home.” He reached out a hand to feel Remus’ head. “You don’t feel warm.”

“I’ll be fine, Padfoot. I just feel a little off for some reason. Nothing to worry about. This is quite a delicious cake, Lily, even more so than last years.”

Remus smiled, but Sirius didn’t look fully convinced. He sat down next to Remus and placed a quick peck on his cheek before diving into his own slice of cake.

“Moons is right, Lily. I don’t know what I would do without your sweets.”

Remus tried not to laugh at Sirius’ attempt at puppy dog eyes. It didn’t work so well for him in his human form.

“Fine,” Lily conceded, “I’ll keep making you guys stuff and sending it to Grimmauld Place as long as you never make that face again.”

For the first time what felt like an eternity, Remus laughed a big, deep belly laugh. Sirius relaxed his protective stance over him a little as he did.

A slight noise came from the corner where Peter was sitting.

“Don’t worry, Wormy, I haven’t forgotten about you. I can keep you stocked as well.”

“Hey, what about me? Are any of these treats staying home with me?” James asked in a mock shock.

“Depends on how I feel,” Lily teased with a big grin on her face. James came over and scooped her up in a big hug and whispering something in her ear that made her blush.

Harry had finished his cake and was starting to look a bit nauseated at the sight of his parents being sweet. Remus felt Sirius shift towards the edge of the couch and grab something.

“Here, Harry. Might as well open up your birthday present from your godfather while your parents are distracted,” Sirius suggested in a loud whisper.

Remus was curious. He was certain Sirius hadn’t told him what he had bought Harry yet.

Paper flew everywhere as Harry ripped into his present. A look of awe appeared on his face as he lifted his gift up for all to see.

“A present for getting into Hogwarts. Not that we were concerned about that, especially after the incident with-”

“Sirius Orion Black! You know full well that first years aren’t allowed broomsticks!” Lily exclaimed when she saw what Harry was holding.

“I thought it was fitting, since I gave him his first toy one exactly ten years ago. And James’ Comet 260 is too old for him to be seen at school with. Especially if he wants to make seeker.”

“He’s not allowed to take one to school this year.” Lily insisted.

“Whoa, is that? It is! That’s the new Nimbus 2000!” James half yelled, half knocking over Lily in his attempts to get a better look. “Merlin’s Beard, Sirius…”

“Can I go outside and try it out?” asked Harry excitedly.

“Yes!” yelled Sirius and James, at the same time as Lily yelled, “No!”

“Two yesses outweigh one no, right?” Harry asked with a playful grin plastered on his face.

Lily sighed and threw her hands. “Fine. Stay in the yard and don’t fly so high that the nearby Muggles see you. I don’t need a repeat of last year. And for Merlin’s sake be careful!”

“Wait for me!” hollered James, following close on his heels.

“Don’t forget it’s Harry’s broom, not yours!” Sirius called after them before turning to Lily. “I hate to leave like this, but I think I need to get Moony home.”

Remus stood up to protest, but Sirius raised his hand to stop him.

“I’m serious, Moons,” he insisted while Lily and Peter chuckled – as they all did any time one of them said they were ‘serious’. Remus even smiled a bit at it.

“Very well, come here and at least get a hug before the you leave,” Lily insisted, grabbing both of them in a big hug. “I’ll see you both for Sunday supper this week, yes?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Sirius assured her.

“It was good to spend some time with you again” Peter piped up from where he had been sitting quietly.

Remus nodded at Peter before being pulled through the front door by Sirius’ arm as he wrapped it around his waist.

The night sky was clear, and the stars shone bright. Out of habit, Remus found himself looking for the Dog star. A slight pang of sadness hit him as he found it, but he couldn’t place why.

“Come on Moons, tell me what’s wrong. You look all sad again,” Sirius prodded gently.

He sounded worried as he gently pulled Remus’ face into his hands to stare into his eyes.

“I care about you, Remus, and if I did or say anything to make you upset-”

“No, that’s not it,” Remus insisted, “at least, I don’t think it is.”

Odd flashes of anger and hurt flashed through his mind tied heavily to Sirius, but they were nothing like the Sirius that stood before him.

Remus stared deep into his twinkling eyes and all such thoughts faded as a faint song entwined with Sirius’ words.

_When you wish upon a star…_

“You weren’t second guessing your worth again, were you? You know that none of us see you how the rest of the world sees you. It makes no difference what you are. You’re our Moony and we will always be there for you.”

_Makes no difference who you are_

“Thanks, Padfoot. I honestly have no idea why I am-”

_Anything your heart desires will come to you…_

…..

A dog barked outside, waking Remus from his dream, though “dream” seemed an inadequate descriptor. It had all seemed so real. And that song – had it been some kind of spell? He realized now that every time he had almost recalled memories of what had really happened in the past decade, it had overtaken his senses and drawn him back into the scene playing out around him.

Except for there at the end – the magic seemed to have shifted from the twinkling Sirius star to his Sirius’ twinkling eyes.

His Sirius.

Remus hadn’t let himself think of Him like that since the night he had been told who had killed Peter and betrayed the Potters. What he wouldn’t give to speak to Sirius just once to find out why – why had he murdered Peter, why had he sold his godson’s parents – who had taken him in to their loving family when he had none – to the most evil man alive, and why…why had he…how could he leave…

It still didn’t make any sense. But life doesn’t always get to make sense, and Remus soon found his heart once again filling with anger and pain towards the man he cared more about than any other in the whole world, leaving no place for the ache and emptiness that would linger there otherwise. For how else could he go about living in the world he found himself back into now? Still, he doubt he would ever forget such a dream, and as Remus allowed himself to shed a tear for what might have been, he promised his heart that he would let the what if memories of that night stay as but a happy vision of what might have been, unjaded by real life, simply a wish he made upon His star.


End file.
